O, Lord, let not my Bluetooth fail
Make all my passwords strong.
Protect my battery from all harm
And make its lifespan long.
O, Lord, may all my tweets be great.
And many find them witty.
May hosts of favourites come my way
And not just out of pity.
O, Lord, when I am in my car
Turn all the lights to green.
If birds should fly above me
Keep their crap from my windscreen.
O, Lord, make sure my TV shows
Don’t meet a sticky end.
Keep spoilers from my eyes and ears
Lest I should lose a friend.
O, Lord, deliver tasty food:
The type that comes with fries.
But keep its stores of harmful fat
From clinging to my thighs.
O, Lord, I do the lottery.
Please help me win a prize,
So I can have these bags removed
From underneath my eyes.
O, Lord, my dryer’s on the blink
Please make it work again.
Or failing that, just stop the rain
Until it’s fixed. Amen!