Nigel, It’s Cold Outside!


NIGEL:                       We really can’t stay!

NICK:                        Nigel, it’s cold outside!

NIGEL:                       We’ve got to get away!

NICK:                        But Nigel, it’s cold outside!

NIGEL:                       The EU has been

NICK:                        We’d all be much better in!

NIGEL:                       So bad for us!

NICK:                        You UKIP types make such a fuss!

NIGEL:                       Romanians are planning invasions!

NICK:                        It’s just in your imaginations!

NIGEL:                       Bulgarians are on their way here!

NICK:                        Some therapy might help with that fear!

NIGEL:                       We’re safeguarding jobs and houses

NICK:                        I really think you’re all mouth and trousers!

NIGEL:                       So, we propose to padlock the door!

NICK:                        I don’t know what you’re worrying for!

NIGEL:                       The neighbours all stink!

NICK:                        Nigel, there’s wealth out there!

NIGEL:                       I feel like a drink!

NICK:                        There’s fine German beer out there!

NIGEL:                       I’m sure this is how

NICK:                        You sound a bit desperate now!

NIGEL:                       To win more seats!

NICK:                         Your party’s full of nuts and freaks.

NIGEL:                       We have to say “No, no, no!”, sir.

NICK:                        The union’s going to keep growing closer!

NIGEL:                       At least I have some national pride!

NICK:                        A wilderness awaits us outside!

NIGEL:                       We really can’t stay!

NICK:                        You don’t even turn up!!

NIGEL:                       (SIMULTANEOUSLY) It won’t be that cold outside!

NICK:                        (SIMULTANEOUSLY) Oh, but it’s cold outside!           

NIGEL:                       This island is packed!

NICK:                        Your name doesn’t come from here!

NIGEL:                       We just have to act!

NICK:                        Your wife doesn’t come from here!

NIGEL:                       We’re making a stand!

NICK:                        You’re drinking another beer!

NIGEL:                       Why can’t you see?

NICK:                         We’ll lose our trade – where will we be?

NIGEL:                       The people want to make this decision!

NICK:                        They also want to win Eurovision!

NIGEL:                       We want the right to do things our way!

NICK:                        As long as you’re not married and gay!

NIGEL:                       We really can’t stay!

NICK:                        Why not move to Scotland?

NIGEL/NICK:             Because it’s coooooold ooooooutsiiiiide!