if i could sleep, i’d miss the night-time’s hum,
the distant rattling railway train,
the rolling empty tin.
i listen to this urban symphony
till light.
if i could sleep, i’d miss the thoughts that come
to gallop through my restless brain,
or settle down within.
that’s why i do not ask for sympathy
tonight.
She sings in silence,
Note by note.
Mute melodics,
Soaring free.
In time, perhaps
She’ll find her voice
And sing her song to me.
She can’t remember
Her own voice.
Perhaps she hears it
In her head.
In time, perhaps
She’ll find a way
To bring it out instead.
She sings in silence,
Lacking words.
Her music playing
With no rest.
In time, perhaps
She’ll end the song;
It may be for the best.
A professional conspiracy theorist from Kent has expressed disappointment that Ian ‘Lemmy’ Kilmister, of the band Motörhead, didn’t die five days earlier, when he was still 69. Dan Lessing, 44, claims this ruined his chances of fabricating a perfect conspiracy theory from the tragic coincidence of both David Bowie and Alan Rickman dying aged 69 from cancer, the disease that also killed Lemmy. “I’m totally devastated at the deaths of these giants of the entertainment world.” Lessing told us, “But as they’re gone anyway, it’s just a shame I can’t make their passing a little more dramatic and sinister with a rumour that dark forces were involved. Or the royal family, which is much the same.”
The father of four, who gave up his insurance sales job in 1997 to focus on perfecting a conspiracy theory about Diana, Princess of Wales, said he had considered trying out a couple of theories regarding Bowie and Rickman, but added “Everybody knows there have to be at least three for it to catch on.”
Mixed success
Some of Lessing’s better known conspiracies include the Wingdings font predicting the 911 attacks, cars which run on household rubbish being suppressed by the oil industry and the existence of a cure for the common cold since 1968. While these have gained considerable support, many of Lessings attempts have fallen flat:
In spite of experiencing these setbacks, Lessing sees great hope for his profession in the future due to the rise of social media. “In 1997, I spent weeks sending letters to newspapers and telling people in the pub what had really happened to Diana – God rest her beautiful soul – and it cost me a fortune in stamps and beer. Nowadays, I only need to tweet once and it turns up everywhere.”
When we asked him if he was working on anything at the moment, he said he was keeping a close eye on some 69-year-old celebrities and had a ‘special project’ in the pipeline; he refused to elaborate much due to fears that someone may steal his theory. He hinted, however, that it involves Jeremy Corbyn, a Russian cloning laboratory and a reported grave robbing at Highgate Cemetery in 1948.
So, all the ghosts line up to sing the song
And I am swayed by their determined tune.
I know their thoughts are only shades of mine,
Undone too soon.
They step so lightly they might not be there
But for the cold that takes the place of breath.
Unseeing eyes have served no use at all
Since meeting death.
The soul can find what perfect sight cannot
But fails to hold it so it slips away.
Why ghosts demand a chance to hunt it down
I cannot say.
In life we dance between the broken lines
Of waking life and silent, dreaming pain.
To seek the hidden place where these two meet
Is less than sane.
But sanity is not a treasure dear
When holding it must block the chance of sight.
The ghosts regret the follies that they shunned
To keep the light.
So all the ghosts line up to sing the song
My voice rings out although my lips are still.
I hope this tune will be the last they chant.
I doubt it will.
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