Parliament Reels as Cameron Quits!

In a move that has rocked the British political scene, David Cameron has announced his retirement from politics with immediate effect and is to become the host of a late night chat show. The shock move came in the wake of the £1.7bn bill from the EU, which is due to be paid by December 1st. Sources close to the former Prime Minister say that he had been considering stepping down for some time and this latest crisis gave him the incentive to take the drastic step.

As a result of his resignation, the Liberal Democrat leader, Nick Clegg, is now Prime Minister and, although an official statement has not yet been made, it is believed that Esther McVey is to be the new Deputy Prime Minister. Just minutes after Cameron informed the world of his decision, with rumours of the new leadership team running rife, the value of the pound plummeted, net migration dropped steeply as British and foreign nationals fled to the continent and Scotland requested a second independence referendum.

Although he refused to be interviewed on camera, David Cameron was recorded in the lobby of the House of Commons, saying “I don’t know where they think we can get £1.7bn from, this close to Christmas. I’ve promised Manchester a high-speed railway and I haven’t even finished paying for Birmingham’s library. It’s just take, take, take with these cities. Do they say ‘thank you’? No!” When asked to elaborate on his remarks, Mr Cameron refused, claiming he had a prior appointment with the controller of Channel 5.

While there has yet to be confirmation, a member of the scheduling team at Channel 5, who has asked to remain anonymous, has suggested that the proposed chat show is to follow a light entertainment format. Guests will discuss their latest projects, share a few glasses of wine and perform a song and dance duet with the former Prime Minister. Suggested titles are said to include ‘Croon with Cameron’ and ‘Dave’s Duets’. Russell Brand is expected to be the guest on the first episode, which is scheduled to air shortly before the general election.