Jeremy Corbyn (For Michael Hogan, with apologies to The Beatles)

(To the tune of Eleanor Rigby)

Ah look at all the Labour people
Ah look at all the Labour people

Jeremy Corbyn, picks up the votes
In the race where Liz Kendall has been
Lives in a dream.
Reading the papers, then he finds out
That he’s been slagged off by Tony Blair
What does he care?

All the Labour people
Where have they all come from?
All the Labour people
Where do they all belong?

Here’s Andy Burnham, toeing the line
And pretending he didn’t wimp out,
He has no doubt!
Look at him working, selling himself
As the one that can make a breakthrough.
But is it true?

All the Labour people
Where do have all come from?
All the Labour people
Where do they all belong?

Ah look at all the Labour people
Ah look at all the Labour people

And Yvette Cooper?  Haven’t a clue what she stands for
Because she won’t say,
Out loud anyway!
Look at Liz Kendall, swearing she’s red
When it seems to the world as if she’s.
Tory instead!

All the Labour people
Where have they all come from?
All the Labour people
Where did it all go wrong?

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The ‘Didn’t Vote’ Blues

Woke up this morning

Intending to vote

But the weather was cold

And I just couldn’t find my coat.

I’ve got the blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t vote’ blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t make my voice heard and now I can’t bitch’ blues.


Right after breakfast

I meant to hit the polls,

But I thought I’d better stay in

And wash the breakfast bowls.

I’ve got the blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t vote’ blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t make my voice heard and now I can’t bitch’ blues.


Just around noontime

I decided to make my cross

But my teeth were really dirty

So I was busy with the floss.

I’ve got the blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t vote’ blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t make my voice heard and now I can’t bitch’ blues.


I would have voted

When I had eaten lunch

But I had to watch my favourite soap;

It was heading for a crunch.

I’ve got the blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t vote’ blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t make my voice heard and now I can’t bitch’ blues.


Mid-afternoon, I thought

“I’d better get it done!”

But a quiz came on the TV

And I was having too much fun.

I’ve got the blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t vote’ blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t make my voice heard and now I can’t bitch’ blues.


Dinner time crept up on me.

You know, it’s not a crime

To be late to the polling station

And I still had loads of time.

I’ve got the blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t vote’ blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t make my voice heard and now I can’t bitch’ blues.


And then, before I knew it,

There was nothing I could do.

I’d never make it round there

Before voting time was through.

I’ve got the blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t vote’ blues.

I’ve got the ‘didn’t make my voice heard and now I can’t bitch’ blues.


So, listen to my story.

It’s a sad one and it’s true.

I hope you never let the same thing

Happen to you too.

You’ll have the blues.

You’ll have the ‘didn’t vote’ blues.

You’ll have the ‘didn’t make my voice heard and now I can’t bitch’ blues.

Brain of Glass (To the tune of Heart of Glass and with apologies to Blondie)

Nigel Farage is a bit of an ass!

Think it’s because he’s got a brain of glass.

Racists and sexists, that’s all that he’s got!

Says that he’s different, but really he’s not!

UKIP don’t seem to have much of a heart!

Look at the breastfeeding fuss for a start!

It seems like they always have something to say.

But all of it’s crap.  Wish they’d go away.

All the time

Nigel’s in the pub and he’s just feeling fine,

Making out his life is just like yours or mine.

But he’s fooling no-one with his act, in fact

We know he’s full of crap

UKIP don’t seem to have much of a brain!

Think that the gays caused a problem with rain.

Racists and sexists, that’s all that they’ve got.

Think they’re so special, but really they’re not!

They’re so dim!

They suck up to Nigel and look up to him,

Though he can’t accept their chances are quite slim

Of ever holding power, yeah.

Yeah, run and hide!  No voting for the mad far right!

Nigel Farage is a bit of an ass!

Think it’s because he’s got a brain of glass.

Racists and sexists, that’s all that he’s got!

Says that he’s different, but really he’s not!