The Ballad of Dennis Skinner

In parliament, a man stood up to speak,

To comment on developments of late;

On how, due to a much-reported leak,

The cracks had widened in our fragile state.

With reference to the Premier’s affairs,

Which scrutiny now had revealed as lax,

And piled upon his growing stack of cares

A deep and burning int’rest in his tax.

This man, a vet’ran of Westminster’s halls,

Whose frequent barbs had gained a certain fame,

Was heard to raise his voice above the calls,

Of ‘Sit back down!’, ‘Uncalled for!’ and ‘For shame!’

Though from expulsion none could this man save,

‘Twas worth it for the name of ‘Dodgy Dave’!



Government defeated on Syria

In a close-run House of Commons vote, the government’s proposal to introduce a thrilling element of imminent danger to British life has been defeated by 285 to 272 votes.
“I’m not convinced that people understand just how exciting the prospect of war with Syria would have been.” said a disappointed David Cameron. “We could have used the COBRA room. It’s an exciting word – COBRA – it sounds like a snake.” The coalition government, which consists of David Cameron’s Tory party and some other chaps we can never quite remember, had tabled a motion that Britain cement its special relationship with America by doing whatever they tell us to. Again.

Ed Milliband claimed the government defeat as a personal victory, stating “Nn nnn nnnn n nnnn nn nnnnnnnnnn!” although Harriet Harman later insisted that this was not necessarily the case. Labour’s additional motion that ‘This time we want Labour to look like the good guys.’ suffered a resounding defeat after the Tories and (insert the name of the other party when you remember it) decided to present a united front just to see what it felt like.

Although this vote has postponed the prospect of Britain randomly firing missiles at Syria in order to protect its people from harm, David Cameron could not rule out the possibility of bombing Spain.
“I gave up a big chunk of holiday and I’ll be damned if it was for nothing.” he stated, adding “And I’d be grateful if Labour would keep its motions off my table!”

The Deputy Prime Minister, whose name has an ‘S’ in it – possibly – may have been unavailable for comment. We didn’t know who to ask for.