North Pole to be relocated to the South Pole

In an unexpected announcement, Russia, Denmark, Canada, Norway and the United States have revealed that the Arctic region is to be transported southwards until it becomes a continuation of the Antarctic.  The unprecedented accord between traditionally hostile countries has been brought about during specially arranged discussions over a period of months and orchestrated by a United Nations special committee.

“It seemed logical to combine the two areas for a number of reasons” said a spokesperson.  “With the ice caps melting, there have been large gaps between ice fields and these can now be eliminated.  Furthermore, exploratory expeditions don’t need to pick one area to travel to because they’ll be going to both poles at once.  It’s very economical.”  It had been suggested that the motives for stripping the North Pole of its ice might involve making access easier for oil drills but this has been hotly refuted by all parties.  “If it happens to make things easier for Shell, then that’s an unintended side effect.” remarked one member of the special committee, who declined to reveal how many of its number have shares in the controversial oil company.

northpole

The Arctic in its present location

Conservation groups have issued statements of concern over the fate of the Arctic fauna, such as the polar bear and the Arctic fox; while the specific concerns have yet to be addressed, a brief rebuttal was issued, claiming that the mathematical projections have been promising for most animals ‘apart from the penguins and there are loads of them’.

 

 

Discussions have yet to take place regarding the name for the newly expanded region, although there have been a number of ideas generated by Twitter users.  At the last count, the most popular possibilities were Biarctica, Panpolia and the Northern Powerhouse.

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