An Ode to Ed Balls (entirely untrue)

He’s the man on everybody’s tweets

And yet he is a mystery

What will be said about young Ed

When someone writes his history?

For no-one knows the many things

That he has done in secret,

So let us take a moment to

List all ‘til he deletes it.


‘Twas Ed who wrote all Shakespeare’s verse

From Puck to Desdemona,

He rescued Ernest Hemingway

From goring in Pamplona.

He sang the chord that David lost

In a voice that goes right through ya.

So Leonard Cohen borrowed it

And called it Hallelujah.


He taught Paul Hollywood to bake

And also Mary Berry.

He was the first to slice up bread

And he’s BOTH Ben AND Jerry!

If you think Brian Cox is smart

He’s not a patch on Ed!

He solved Fermat’s last theorem

And he did it in his head!


He taught Dame Margot Fonteyn

And Nureyev to dance.

He designed the maze at Hampton Court

And M.C. Hammer’s pants.

When Moriarty was pulled down

The cold Reichenbach Falls

It wasn’t really Holmes at all

The hero was Ed Balls.


So let us all give thanks for Ed

On this, his special day.

And think of all his wondrous deeds

That cause us all to say:

Without Ed Balls where would we be?

What tweets would we be writing?

Suarez, horsemeat, Triple A?

Ed’s so much more exciting!


This is about Ed Balls, a British politician who accidentally tweeted his own name and has been mercilessly ribbed about it ever since. The topic was suggested by Paolo Albertella since Twitter is celebrating Ed Balls Day!

7 thoughts on “An Ode to Ed Balls (entirely untrue)

    • Thanks. I’m not sure Ed Balls would agree with you, poor bloke! 😉 My kids are only embarrassed in a ‘Oh no, that was a cheesey joke’, kind of way. Just as long as I stay off Tumblr, I’m sure they’ll be fine! LOL. Thanks for reading. 🙂

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